i propose that a notice be sent to each and every household in america: leather pants are wayyy out of style. period. they were ok when sexy entertainers and 40 year old gay guys were the only ones that wore them. now joe shmoe picks up a pair at target and thinks he can wear them with a denim shirt (which are abominable in and of themselves as it is) and bright orange nikes. please think about what you are doing!!!!

jam master jay was shot and killed yesterday. you'd think that after being in the biz for 20 years and bringing popularity to a whole genre of music you'd be exempt from something like this, but i guess not.

the house of diabolique is back in full effect this week with another "it's funny 'cause it's true" tale from my hometown. this has to be the greatest thing he's written yet.

why shlep from store to store trying to find a place that's not sold out of grand theft auto:vice city when you can play adventure for free! killing ducks with heat-seeking pointy things has never been so much fun.

ok, remember a few months ago when i suggested bush pick up a playstation to get all his trigger-happy ya yas out? apparently it's caught wind.

dude, if you were a cop and someone was walking around taking pictures, would you just go ahead and pee on a wall?(look at the picture when it loads) how uncouth!

ok, before i get asked by everyone, the new mitsubishi (or whatever car) song is telepopmusik's "breathe". yes it's a wonderful song, yes it's sooo much better than that "days go by" song.

so, now i need a song i.d. what song is this? be sure to put your volume up a bit, as the song is kinda low.

o.k., one... two... three..... awwww.

if you have many productive things to do, do not, i repeat, do not do the dictator/sit com star test. it really is amazing what this thing can do. some of the questions you will be asked are absolutely wild. oh, go for relatively obscure characters too. it can guess jerry seinfeld, dorothy spornak, lisa simpson, niles from frasier, and i'm guessing the robot girl from small wonder.

this thing even guessed nick (the "ay!" guy) from family ties.

i got to see the ring this weekend, and it kept me on edge for pretty much the whole movie. although i'm an adult now (no snickers from the peanut gallery please) i'll still allow myself to buy into an unlikely storyline if it's a well-crafted and really creepy horror movie like this one. now i need to see the japanese film it's based on, which was so popular that not only did it spawn a bunch of sequels, but its own sega dreamcast game as well.

i really hope they don't bring the sequels over here though. too many of the great horror films have been ruined by inferior sequels (*cough* scream *cough* blair witch *cough*)

it's always a treat when someone with a wrong number calls you and leaves you a message. most of the time, it's a foreigner that leaves the message, because apparently the concept of dialing a wrong number doesn't exist outside of the states. yesterday i got a message at work from some guy trying to reach "doug". he said "hi doug, it's (name withheld), the guy you hit with your car. i've been trying to get in touch with you (blah blah blah)..." how cool is that? i bet doug fled to mexico a looooong time ago.

i used to believe is a wonderful, wonderful reminder of just how confusing and scary childhood was. when i first heard about someone dying of a heart attack, my mind was immediately filled with the imagery of someone standing on the roof of his house defending himself against an attack by hundreds of native americans (the very stereotypical bugs bunny representation thereof), and for a while i thought people died of heart attacks because they got hit in the heart with a spear thrown at them (this for some reason always took place on your roof). i also spent way too much time praying that cybertron was a real place somewhere in the galaxy.

all you kittays who independent, throw your hands up at me

oh my god, this is the best friday time waster ever!!!! seriously. i would much rather work on my minigolf par than the sales report i've been doing all day. tree falling in the woods, tree falling in the woods, tree falling in the woods.

i made a grave error the other day. i said that the cosby show was the second best tv show of all time. i don't know what i was thinking. the golden girls is the second greatest tv show of all time. cosby show is third. the price is right is fourth. go about your business.

make a mockery of your company payroll by visiting the funny stuff and junk plus stupid audio page, and while you're there, check out the ten worst analogies written in a high school essay. good stuff, i tell ya.

remember my post about really bad flash cartoons? well, even big ass monopolies are using them now.

oh those crazy gays and their spongebob. i've actually only seen two episodes of spongebob; the first one kind of irritated me, the second one had me laughing pretty good. most of my nickelodeon time is spent watching the cosby show though, which is, quite frankly, the second greatest television show of all time. it's amazing that at one time in our country's history, a tv show existed that a) the whole family could watch and b) wasn't obnoxioulsy retarded.

mondays suck. but did you know that there was a tv pilot based on clerks?

check out nick nolte's hair!

dude, if you were stranded at sea for two months and survived, what would you want to eat once you were rescued? this guy would like some chocolate pudding. i think i'd want french fries with mayonnaise, hummus with lots o' olive oil, and oh of course, lentil soup from zaytoons.

graham coxon has left blur because he's a drunk, and of course noel has something to say.

on a more up note, the new radiohead album is on the way. yay!

here's something to distract you during your post lunch slump; the which female artist are you quiz. i like this quiz because i turned out to be bjork, which is quite accurate considering just this morning some guy in a bear costume was chasing after me.

so, when it comes down to it, she just wanted out of her recording contract. now i get to buy a whole album of songs i already have for one new song. yay!

remember screech? remember when you used to lay in bed at night going "one day this man is going to teach me how to play chess, i just know it"? well, a new day has come.

sure, you always have some cristal in the fridge and you cruise around in your bmw suv, but are you really bling blingin' it as much as you could? the answer is an astounding NO! mr. bling can help you with all of your tragically insecure needs.